I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library- Jorge Borges

Sunday, 10 June 2012


Burt Reynolds smiles into the eye of a sheep,
this reminds him of his own testicles
that urgently need unloading.
He blinks and turns away from the sheep
then looks back at it.
A moment passes.

He jumps over a nearby fence into 
private land.
Knocks on a lime green door surrounded by rhododendrons
and enjoys the fuchsia petals and the light fragrance
that appears whilst he waits.
The door opens and an old man with no hair 
and a gluttonous stomach looks at him
"What can I do for you?"
"I need to borrow your wife"
"What for?"
'To relieve the stress knotted up in my aching balls"
"What the ffff fffuck, you ffff  fffucking fffuck"
The old man clenches his fist and his face turns the colour of Merlot wine.  
Burt takes a step back and turns to walk away.
The man chases him.

Burt runs and jumps over the fence
in one swift move.
There's a loud crash behind him.
The old man didn't make the jump.

Burt tries hiding behind a flock of sheep
and waits to go back inside the garden of the old man with the
gluttonous stomach.
He wants to pick a handful of rhododendrons
to give to his wife.
Heaven knows, she deserves them.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

The Pampered Poodle

She lifts up her grey, pleated skirt
And shows her pink, frilly knickers to a
Little pampered poodle.
A small lipstick pops out from the underbelly
Of its curly, white coat.
The young woman giggles
In a way that would annoy most adults.
She then applies the red lipstick to her